Regrets
by Superbia-TheFirst
Summary: There was a time when Samos would have wish to have the power to change the future but when he finally had this power... He made him more miserable than happy...


When he was still a young man. When he was more reckless than wise and more idealistic than realistic... he would dream of having the power to change the situation in the blink of an eye. He would dream of dethroning Praxis in a single battle, a single operation without needing to sacrifice the life of the members of the Underground. Unfortunately, the reality was not that kind or easy and war was so much crueler. Every day would bring his share of hardship: resistants would die fighting for a better world, bricks and tiles torn from the houses during the battles were littering the streets of Haven, the reserves of ecos were dwindling day by day, as well as the access to healthy food and water...

Since the begin of the reign of Praxis, Haven had changed a lot. Even if he knew that change was a part of the natural order, Samos could only regret the memories he had of a peaceful and prosperous city who didn't know the horrors of the war and the multitude privations.

If someone could have given him, during the first days of the war, the possibility of changing the course of time and ending this war, Samos would have taken it immediately. He was so naive and desperate at this time that he wouldn't have counted the risks. He would have simply done it even at the cost of his own life. Death didn't scare him. His parents were long gone, he didn't have any spouse to love or any children to protect. He only had those men and women of the resistance that he came to love and considered them as friends. He wanted so much to give to those people a future that was worth to dream of and if he had to die to give them this gift, he would have die without any hesitation.

But there was a problem, this future didn't ask for his sacrifice but it was asking for the sacrifice of a young child. A little boy that would climb on Samos's knees when he was tired. The same boy that Samos would carry to his bed because he fell asleep in his arms. The same boy to who Samos wished to have sweet dreams and forget about the war just for one more night.

If Samos wanted the liberation of Haven, he would need to sacrifice a little boy to a life of blood and tears.

When he first heard about this idea, Samos had been horrified and the worst was that idea came from "his" own mouth. "He" was the one to suggest it, to impose it as the one and only solution. This "double" from the future, "he" was "the one" to tell him that he had to rip a little boy from his father, while he had promised to himself that he would bring them together, and that he had to abandon this same little boy to Praxis that would torture him for two all years and who would leave only a broken man behind.

While "he" explained that, "he" was so calm about it, "he" didn't have an ounce of regret or pity in "his" voice and that disgusted Samos because he would never do that, he wasn't like that. Samos had wanted to scream at "himself" and make his disagreement with all this situation known. But deep inside him a voice would tell him that it would have been for naught. This future had already been written, Jak "the liberator of Haven" was already there and he was already working at dethroning Praxis and beating Kor. In a sense, it was already too late to change things. "He" had already chosen for him and Samos could only laugh at the irony of the situation. He who had, at one time, wanted the power the write a better future for Haven... he had already done it... and he was already regretting it.

"The other Samos", "he" knew what would happen, what will happen and "he" had done nothing to change it !

"He" did nothing !

And, he did nothing...

In the end, Samos did nothing to change the past or the future or whatever... In the end, he just repeated the exactly same chain of events because he was so afraid of the consequences, of the "what if". What if he changed something that he shouldn't have, what if he was just condemning all Haven just because he said something too much, because he cared too much ?

He was so afraid to do something that in the end he did nothing.

The future of Heaven and the lives of all its inhabitants were laying in his hands. This burden was his to bear and he had to do it. He who had wanted so much to help those people, he simply couldn't let them down now. Samos were just wishing that the price wasn't so high. Even if the live of one children was hardly nothing in comparison to the lifes of all a city. He would have preferred not having to sacrifice anyone.

He tried to convinced himself that what he was doing (what he wasn't doing) was for the best. He had seen the good that Jak made for the inhabitants of Haven, the joy of having pure water to drink, the hope to see the Metalheads retreating to their lair, the shouts of victory when they heard about the decline of Praxis. Samos couldn't say that Jak had suffered for nothing because the result was there. What he was doing was for the best ! Really...

If only he could just forget the face of this man so full of hate and anger and those little words that had been pronounced. There was so much venom in those three little words when he had heard them for the first time. It had hurt so much to hear them even if they weren't said to him but to "him". How much would it hurt when he would hear them a second time ? When he would be the subject of this hate ?

He made sure that everything stayed the same : his adorable daughter Keira, the infernal Daxter and the innocent Jak.

Everything had been written down and every event had to follow this script.

Samos watched his adorable daughter fall from the tree she been trying to climb to join her friends. He watched her breaking her arm, crying and screaming from the pain. But he didn't go to console her. He just watched as Jak and Daxter climbed down from the tree and went to his daughter and her help to get her on her feet. He watched while they brought her to Jak's uncle to heal her because even at that time, the children preferred seeking comfort in the arms of others. Then he had to wait before Daxter came to search for him because they needed the help of a green sage.

And why did he do that ? Why hadn't he gone to console his own child when she was crying her eyes off ?

Because it was written... Keira had to learn to be strong because in a few years from here, she would live in Haven when her father would not be there and no one would give her a hand to help.

Samos shouted at the boys when they came back from the Misty Island. He was harsh with Daxter, told him that it was his fault, that he should have behave... He had no soothing words for the poor child. He just watched as the boy told him off and said that he would be fine on his own and that he would find a solution without his help.

And why did he do that ? Why hadn't he been kinder to this child that he came to love as his own ? Because it was written... Daxter had to undergo this and learn to become more courageous because he would need this courage in Haven if he wanted to find Jak.

Samos was cold and distant with Jak. He found an old man that was extremely lonely with no family left and only a couple of friend to keep him company. This old man was so lonely that he immediately accepted to play the role of the uncle of the child, to give him the love that Samos couldn't give him because Samos had to be harsh with Jak, just like he had to be harsh with Daxter. The two of them had to become stronger and learnt that some persons wouldn't go easy on them.

And why did he do that ? Why hadn't he been able to show more love to this child who he would have love to be a father for ?

Because he was told so... "He" told him that he had to be hard. "He" told him that he couldn't be soft because he was too soft then Jak wouldn't be able to bear the torture. He was a twisted way of thought but it was also the most logical one. So, Samos followed it.

"He" told him so many things, horrible things but Samos repeated them so the future could be safe. He hid all the love he had for those children and just kept on reminding them that world was hard to prepare them for what was coming.

Years passed and Samos became slowly (but surely) what he had hated so many years ago. He became "himself".

Further, he hadn't condemned just a child, he had condemned three children... his children.

Like written, he made the travel toward the future.

Like written, he watched as his children were taken away from him by the cruelty of Haven.

Like written, he met "himself", his "young self", "the one" who was more reckless than wise and more idealistic than realistic, "the one" who was dreaming of saving Haven, "the one" he would take aside to share with a solution which was miraculous but also dreadful, "the one" who would learn to hate him. But more important, "he" was "the one" who would repeat the cycle once again to keep this reality going.

Samos explained everything to "him", he kept his voice steady and told everything as it was nothing of importance. This discussion was his last intervention to save this present. After this everything would be in the hands of his "young self" who will follow everything he is saying right now.

Could he still change the past now ? What would happen if he said that he had gone helping her daughter when she fell ? What would happen if he said that he had given some comfort to Daxter when he was turned in a ottsel ? What would happen if he said that he had been like a father to Jak ? What would happen if he said that "he" should never hide the love "he" would feel for those children ? Could he still save them ? Give them a better childhood ?

It was its last chance to say something.

But in the end, he just repeated the script. The future and past have already be written. It was too late to change anything.

Samos left the room a bit lighter, his burden had been past to someone else. The following days he will watch his "young self" debating over the possible consequences of a change in the past. In two weeks, he will have the biggest argument he will surely have with Jak. The man will learn the truth and will finally speak his mind. He will come and say all the reproaches he has towards Samos. He will get upset, scream, tear up the report read by Samos, hit the table and... he will cry... He will cry over his life, about how he had no future to look for, how Samos had been watching as he was breaking apart and how the sage had done nothing to prevent it. And he will leave with three little words as a goodbye.

Samos already know that he won't have the force to reply and that he will take all the reproaches without complains and his "young self" didn't had to be a witness of this argument to know this because Samos was just too tired now. He just wanted to forget about the future, the present and the past... His burden had been past after those long years when he had had to be strong for his children, when he had had to be harsh towards his children...

Samos was afraid of the confrontation to come with Jak. He knew that he would still be standing after it because he still had some things to take care of. But he didn't know if he would still be standing after all this, after this "young self" would leave for the past. How long will he be able to bear the consequences of "his choices" and the hate from his children ?

If only he could go back in time and see once again his children be happy...

But it was too late for this, right ?

The only words he will hear from them are "I hate you" now...


End file.
